


where are you now that i need you?

by space_dev



Series: it isn't fair and it isn't right (to lead you on like it's alright) [3]
Category: Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Emotions, Gen, Grief, Grief/Mourning, Heavy Angst, Mourning, Parental Kanan Jarrus, The Force
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-26
Updated: 2018-04-26
Packaged: 2019-04-28 06:30:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14443392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/space_dev/pseuds/space_dev
Summary: Attachments will control you, consume you





	where are you now that i need you?

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Pentatonix cover of Where Are Ü Now, but also from the original by Jack Ü (the PTX version is better fight me)

It'd been dark after the initial bright red faded in his eyes, and now, somehow, it was darker.

 

His padawan- his _son,_  knighted in a desperate last act before he slipped away, was gone, he was one with the Force now.

 

He _saw_  Ezra as he slipped away, his soul joining with the winds of the Force, and he saw his parents' souls surrounding Ezra's.

 

And then Ezra and his parents were whipped away in the hurricane of the Force, right there yet never there, and a familiar feeling of longing to see but being in perpetual darkness that he knew he couldn't escape, consumed him once more

 

Kanan threw himself into the rebellion now. Every mission was for Ezra. Every time he pulled on the Force, he felt Ezra in the pull. He felt Ezra when he meditated, felt him when he was asleep.

 

Kanan wasn't sure if Ezra's soul was haunting him through the Force, or if the Force was haunting him with Ezra's soul, or something else.

 

 _What do you want with me?! K_ anan screamed into the Force, the scream of a devastated father, the scream of a master desperately trying to move on.

 

 _A Jedi has no emotional attachments_ , Master Luminara said, the one day, the only day, that he'd glimpsed her, later even spoke to her, briefly.

 

She'd been teaching some younglings about attachments with Master Yoda. He'd been the padawan who happened to walk by.

 

Master Luminara had grabbed him as he was walking by, used him as an example to the younglings.

 

_This padawan will grow into a strong Master Jedi one day so long as he limits, even cuts off all attachments. With attachments, he can and will be controlled by the attachments, the Separatists and the Sith can use attachments against him._

_Any and all of your attachments will control you, consume you. You must learn to let them go, younglings._

 

And then Master Luminara had apologised for taking up his time, and Caleb had said that it was no problem, and he was on his way to Master Billaba's once more.

 

_Your attachments will control you, consume you. You must learn to let them go._

 

 _You were right, Master Luminara_ , Kanan screamed into the hurricane of the Force. _You were right._

 

And thinking of Master Luminara brought thoughts of Ezra, on that pointless mission to rescue her that ended in finding out she was gone.

 

Ezra, with his new lightsaber.

 

Ezra's touch leading him back to the Phantom.

 

Ezra, tugged away by the wind, a sickening sound as his head met metal, the cry of pain silenced by the screaming wind and the loss of consciousness.

 

Ezra, always there yet always gone.

 


End file.
